Adoptions With Love withheld from me the truth regarding the long term risks and ramifications of physiological disabilities that occur when I relinquished my baby to adoption at their agency. They also helped me deny my child's father his parental rights by informing me how to lied on the legal birth certificate. Newton, Massachusetts

While I understand it would be a difficult situation, I can also see how they would view things in an entirely different light. Also, it was ultimately all your own decisions and actions. You were entirely capable of researching these same effects, and clearly as they are an adoption agency they might see themselves as providing valuable service and support. I also think that a 16 year old being pushed by her parents as well, and who knows when that was, might actually be a slightly different situation from a legal adult whom could have even handed over custody to another responsible, adult birth parent (maybe there were some things omitted there).

I can understand later regretting what was entirely your own decision, but to lay all the blame elsewhere is an entirely different thing. As opposed to posting them here, maybe making a website, or doing a school program or something of that nature in order to advise others in the same position would be a little more productive and possibly thereputic.*just my opinions*

The research is very interesting. I don't feel the author of this article has presented sufficient evidence that "Adoptions With Love" was indeed aware of this particular research though and purposely chose to hide it. I need more evidence to be convinced of this. It could be that they just didn't know about these research findings at that time.

I can also think that maybe the people at "Adoptions With Love" believed they were providing a valuable service, and *maybe* the things they said & the advice they gave made a lot of sense at that time as they were trying to help a scared, overwhelmed, desperate young woman. The author of the article doesn't state the circumstances of the relationship at all -- why did it end? Was there abuse? Drug addiction? Either? Both?

Regardless, the suffering of the mother pulls many heart strings. It would be wonderful to inform girls in junior high and high school about the consequences and heartache that can come with an unplanned pregnancy and decision to give up the baby.

The research is very interesting. I don't feel the author of this article has presented sufficient evidence that "Adoptions With Love" was indeed aware of this particular research though and purposely chose to hide it. I need more evidence to be convinced of this. It could be that they just didn't know about these research findings at that time.

I can also think that maybe the people at "Adoptions With Love" believed they were providing a valuable service, and *maybe* the things they said & the advice they gave made a lot of sense at that time as they were trying to help a scared, overwhelmed, desperate young woman. The author of the article doesn't state the circumstances of the relationship at all -- why did it end? Was there abuse? Drug addiction? Either? Both?

Regardless, the suffering of the mother pulls many heart strings. It would be wonderful to inform girls in junior high and high school about the consequences and heartache that can come with an unplanned pregnancy and decision to give up the baby.

FauxClaud...

I totally understand your situation since I was in a similar position. My situation occurred in Louisiana in 1989 when I was 16. My parents, honestly believing adoption was the best thing, pushed me into putting my daughter up for adoption.

I experienced many of the same issues you mentioned regarding the agency and the lies they told me, however, I did tell the agency about the birthfather and they required he sign relinquishment papers.

I also had to live in a "home" away from family and friends and any support group. I was made to feel like I was doing the right thing by giving up my child and was told repeatedly that I was providing the ultimate gift to a "worthy" couple that was unable to have children of their own.

One of the lies that kills me to this day occurred when I was in a counseling (aka: brainwashing) session. I specifically asked what would happen if I changed my mind and decided to keep her. The counselor told me that I couldn't afford to. I asked why not and she said that I would have to pay $100 to the agency for each day I'd already been at the home ($3100 by that time) as well as for all prior and future medical bills. She went on to say that my parents insurance would not cover my medical expenses. I asked about welfare and she said that I would not qualify because my parents' income would be used to determine eligibility and that they made too much money for me to qualify. Several years later, I learned that everything she told me was a lie! I was deliberately made to feel like I had no rights to my own child! I honestly feel like she was stolen from me!

To Joe's response...

Please understand that even if FauxClaud was of legal age, when faced with a crisis pregnancy, even the most mature adult would have a hard time sorting through everything especially when the pregnancy hormones are making you crazy. We do not know all of the circumstances surrounding her situation and she may have made the best decision based on what she was led to believe.

To everyone reading this post

Please go to www.adoption.com and read the forums for birthparents (adoptees and adoptive parents have forums there also). You may be surprised to learn some of the tactics used by agencies to coerce women into giving up their children. You can also see how adoption affects everyone involved. It is a very complex and emotional situation without easy answers. Please learn more about it for yourself before you attempt to judge others who've had to make this terribly difficult decision.

When you got pregnant, you should have contacted the child's father in the first place.
He had SOME responsibility for it and he should have been notified.

Why did you pick THIS particular adoption agency?

You parents should have been a lot more supportive and not actd like reptiles! After all, this IS THEIR FIRST GRANDCHILD! No wonder you got pregnant out of wedlock with parents like these!

AT 19 YOU ARE AN ADULT!

You can make your own decisions at 19 and I would have applied to the AFDC - Aid to Families with Dependent Children administration agencies. The government support systems for a mother and her dependent child is UNBELIEVABLE! They will offer job training, help with nutrition, child care and all sorts of help for you. Social services organizations are much more likely to help mothers with children and expectant mothers a lot more than anyone else and indeeed these ladies get a PREFERENCE.

You should have checked your options a little more thoroughly before just throwing up your hands and going to some Adoption Agency, many of which are of questionable ethics and dump the mother once they have the baby.

You need to reevaluate your parents and try to get free of them. Theysound despicable to me not to help you more.
I am surprised they didn't force you to have an abortion.